Failure by definition is the “lack of success” in a situation. 2016 has been one heck of a ride, but it’s been the year where I’ve noticed exponential growth within myself. What do I owe this growth to? Failure.
I want to thank 2016 for letting me fail.
We’re already dived into January quite a bit at this point, but brainstorming ideas for my end of the year reflection was not easy. Thus the reason why this post is so late (It’s still January, so I think it should be okay). I then stumbled across this image while browsing Pinterest and then it hit me – I strive way too hard to try to make my life out to be perfect. 2016, like any year always leaves me feeling blessed with so much, especially blessed with the life that’s been given to me and with the people in my life. But this is just a main theme I’ve taken away from 2016 (shameless disclaimer, haha).
The start of 2016 was when my second semester of my first year began. I wanted the straight A’s, I wanted that 4.0 GPA, I wanted a secured spot in the faculty I was working so hard to get in to. And after many constant crying sessions, a million anxiety attacks, and continuous moments of depriving myself of sleep and food – I finished the semester. Was all that worth it? No. I let myself go all to be perfect. But I didn’t get perfection, and ultimately failed myself.
Academically, I didn’t fail a class and got what most people would say are “pretty good” grades – but that’s beside the point. I was not in a good mental state, and I for sure reached my rock bottom. I no longer cared for myself, and allowed myself to become desperate all for a grade; all for something that could’ve been just a thought. I wasn’t even sure the career I was working for was even something I wanted to do.
Prior to this point in my life, I’ve always gotten good grades. I was always someone who strived to be above average and to get a grade that was anything less in University felt so degrading. But after months of acceptance, and months self realization, I learned that it’s okay to feel like you’ve failed because it’s ALL a learning experience in the end. After I finished my first year I came to the conclusion that once you reach rock bottom, there’s no where to go but up.
Fast forward to September 2016 – the first semester of my second year. The year I said NO to a tunnel vision point of view, and the year I said YES to mellowing out. I decided I was going to finish 2016 with a better approach. 2016 was going to finish by riding itself out, and I was just here to enjoy and to go along with it.
I finished amazing grades and even got a few A+’s on some midterms and even as a final grade; something I never thought I was capable of because I always settled for good enough. I did it. I picked myself up from rock bottom and continued on with life.
For anyone that’s having a hard time with any sort of adjustment to any situation in their life, just know it’s okay. Transition is always temporary and hardships don’t mean that it’s the end. You’re going to pick yourself up. If it takes a bit longer, that’s okay. No one should rush you, not even yourself. Take a breather, and try again.
2016, it’s been one hell of an emotional, mental, and physical ride. But thank you for knocking me down and allowing me to pick myself up. Last year has given me more than a taste of what NOT being perfect feels like and that there’s so much more to life than school and a future career. I want to thank 2016 for letting me fail because it’s been an amazing experience.
Here’s to hoping 2017 is the best one yet for all of us, and that great things are in store.
Thanks for helping me turn these new pages,